Beautifully Broken
by Vintage Ace
Summary: What goes on in Leah's mind? Is she bitter for the reasons everyone thinks? What's the real reason for Harry's heart atack? Not great with summaries. Rated T  Language, violence, mention of drugs/alcohol
1. Prologue

**This is a story based on a poem that I wrote for my Hnrs Lit. class. A lot of people asked for the story behind my poem, and all i could say is that it was inspired by Leah, one of my favorite characters in the books, and what i imagine goes on in her head, and the real reasons she is bitter and isolated.**

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_**Beautifully Broken **_

**_Prologue_**

"_Run"_

That's the only thought in my mind.  
My paws thud against the ground as I sprint away from the small clearing. I howl in distress for my brothers, hearing the other pack growling at me as their Alpha nips at my tail.  
The dull, pulsing ache that was in my chest merely seconds ago has been numbed by adrenaline and fear. I howl again hoping, beyond hope that they will come for me. The trees are blurred together and my lungs burn from exhaustion, but I can't give up. One of the intruding wolves takes a chunk of fur from my back, but I am on autopilot. I cannot stop now.

"_I can't believe you Leah. You need to stop bitching and moping. Be the freaking adult here."_Seth's harsh words leak into my mind. The ache is back, but I keep running. Stop thinking about it Leah, it's distracting you.

_"You know what; I'm with mom on this one. I give up; you're on your own." _

The dull ache turns into a harsh stab at my already bleeding heart, making me lightheaded. I trip on a branch and stumble, slowing myself down. Suddenly the wind is knocked out of me as my attackers tackle me to the ground. White hot pain sears through my body as I hear the sounds of ripping and tearing, growls and barks of degrading laughter. I feel myself shed my second skin; blood is trekking down my face and arms. I don't cry, though I want to, or call for help, I already tried.

I'm too late.


	2. 1 Well Damn

**AN: Beginning set in New Moon after Embry phases. Any reference made towards Sam or Emily are in **_Italics_

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******_Chapter 1_**

**_~Well Damn~_**

The sun was peeking through the trees outside my window, a boring, clear day in La Push, damn.

I love the rain; I love everything about this little piece of reservation, even _them_.  
I don't say their names, it hurts too much. The last time I said one of their names I felt so much pain that I vomited for an hour straight; my dad had to take me to the hospital.  
Anyway, they betrayed me; the both of them. Yet I know I would throw myself in front of a bullet for them. I have tried countless times to hate them, but I can't and it makes me hate myself, which sucks. I mean he's my ex-fiancé and she's my flipping cousin, it hurts like a bitch and I have every right to hate them. I just can't.

It's pathetic, I know.

I turned to see the alarm clock beside my bed blinking eleven thirty.

"Shit, I'm late." I mumbled, hopping out of bed, only to trip on my comforter which I must have thrown off of myself in the middle of the night.

I quickly got up, steadying myself before bolting out of my room in only my favorite Swagger Coach Tee with Snoopy on it and Batman underwear, only to run face to chest with the world's most ADD little brother, Seth.

"Oh my God Leah put on some clothes. Ugh, my eyes are burning. I think I'm blind."

I sighed and picked myself up off of the ground, my small body tired from all the abuse it'd gotten in the last ten minutes with so little sleep. My head was pounding from my late night, early morning tear fest on my father's sympathetic shoulder.  
I straightened my five foot four inch frame and tilted my head up to look my five foot ten, little brother in the eyes.

"What the Hell is wrong with you, you little brat? I can't believe you didn't wake me up, I missed my fucking class. Did you shut off my alarm, why didn't it go off?" I shouted at him, silencing his whining completely.

Somewhere in the middle of my incoherent grilling of Seth I had taken a fist full of his shirt and brought him down to eye level with me. I'm sure my glare woul have literally killed him if he weren't immune to it by now.

"You've been crying" was all he said.

I stood dumbfounded for a moment before averting my eyes and letting him go. We stood for a small minute; he staring at me, while I gathered myself, both comforted and embarrassed by the kid's, understanding, presence. Sometimes I wonder why he isn't my older sibling. Sure he is a little energetic but he is the most understanding, intelligent, forgiving, fifteen year old you could ever meet, though I'm the only one who's ever seen or needed this side of him.

With class completely forgotten, he nodded at me with a solemn look before turning and walking back to the living room to watch some television show. Slowly, I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror.

The sight that greeted me was far from pleasant.  
I had dark, bruise like patches under my, now, dull, cloudy, gray eyes. My mascara from yesterday had run down my face along with my black eyeliner. My face was sunken in and my cheek bones stood disgustingly prominent against my skin, from lack of eating. How much weight I lost, I had no idea and no intention of finding out or keeping track.

* * *

The reservation was buzzing, like always on rare sunny days. I walked down the street in silence; hood up, chin held high, back straight looking the world straight in the face. The world, on the other hand, refused to make any eye contact with me, what so ever.

The three of _us_ were the talk of La Push, and it crushed me eat first.  
I was finally starting to move on when _those two _got engaged and _he_ was made an elder and part of the tribal council at the age of twenty four, the town started talking and I relapsed in a sense, just without the alcohol this time. I promised myself I would never let it get that out of hand again.

You see, after _they_ originally got together I started partying; you know drinking, and hooking up. I've only ever gotten high once but it wasn't the best experience and I didn't do it again. Finally after a few months of parties and one night stands, my parents put their foot down (Feet down…I'm not sure which one) and after another month of crappy nights full of depression, anger and vomiting I quit drinking and partying all together.

People avoided me like the plague. They feared to make eye contact with me and only talked to me when they were shit out of luck.

Finally I got to my favorite hiking trail in the entire forest. Of course I never actually stayed on the trail, where would the fun in that be? I wore a pair of ratty jeans a long sleeved t shirt,and my black hoodie, though the weather was strangely warm, I didn't want to risk people seeing my scars. My bare feet, shoes are very over rated, automatically made a left turn off of the trail, toward the beach. I don't know how long I was walking but it didn't seem very long when it happened.

My eyes were closed as I walked the path that was ingrained into my memory at a very early age, being the beach fanatic I was, and still am today. Though having my eyes closed was stupid, it sounded fun at the time. I was in my own oblivious world when I heard a crack and an unintelligible shout that sounded like a swear word. Then a booming laugh was heard that literally shook the surrounding trees. My eyes snapped open.

"I know that laugh." I whispered to myself, frozen in place.

I heard footsteps coming towards me and my heart started to pound erratically in my sickeningly anorexic chest.  
I slowly began to back away, praying to whatever god that was out there for me to go unseen by my unwelcome intruders, then it happened in a flash.

As I was backing up I stubbed my bare heel on a mossy rock causing me to slip and fall backwards, my mouth opened in a silent scream and closed my eyes into a flinch, waiting for the inevitable impact that never came. Two warm arms grabbed hold of me before I hit the ground and brought me back into a standing position.  
I reluctantly opened my eyes only to see Embry Call staring at me intently, a small smile on his face, though there was sadness in his eyes.

I sighed in relief and thanked the spirits, heavens and every other wonderful being that was being worshipped at that very moment, for not letting that deep laugh that shook the ground I was walking on to be-

"Leah?"

-Sam Uley

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**Please review**

**~PaUlSmInE-WAIT-SoIsEmBrY**


	3. 2 Nothing but the Moon

**Chapter 3**

**~Nothing but the Moon~**

I can't breathe.

My heart is in overdrive.

My mind, split between pain and anger.

"Leah"

His eyes are worried, but they could be lying too. He isn't worried, not about me, just about himself and _her_.

There's a buzzing in my ears. It keeps getting louder and louder. _His_ face has turned to stone, hard and unforgiving, but shouldn't _he_ be the one groveling at my feet? I didn't break his heart. _He_ broke mine.

A knife pierces my wounded heart, the pain so sharp that I gasp for breath stumbling backwards, unconsciously moving away from _him _as if distance would make the pain stop.

They call my name, Embry, in pity and concern, and _Him_, in guilt. I don't care though, he should feel guilty, and I trusted him. I let him in, and he broke me in return.

Love's a bitch.

I do the only thing I can think of to get away from him.

I run.

Breathe. Step. Blink. Step. Don't cry. Step. Breathe. Step.

I finally break through the trees and stumble across the mossy black rocks and onto the nearest piece of driftwood. I gulp in air, as my lungs haven't been worked this hard since before _them._

My hand is rubbing at my chest as if to heal my invisible wounds.

I clench my shaking hands into tight fists and stand from the driftwood really needing to just hit something.  
My breath comes out in angry huffs and the rest of my body shakes like my hands. I swing around and my fist connects with the nearest tree, as I try to let out my rage, but instead I hear a sickening crunch and my hand begins to throb in unison with my heart.  
I know that I must have broken something. I'm too far gone to give a damn.  
I pick up a handful of rocks with my bruising fist and chuck them across the desolate beach with a force I was unaware I possessed.

My hand hurts like a bitch and my arms are vibrating and I am so angry I could kill something.

_He_ is all I have to blame.

* * *

I walk into my, now, empty house. Seth must have gone off to his girlfriend, Arianna's house.

She's a sweet girl, I don't know how she tolerates Seth's craziness, but anyone who can put up with his happy little bubble of energy is good in my books.  
She's a little on the quiet side and is always so respectful to mom and dad. It's always "yes Ma'am" or "No sir" with her, and I think it's adorable.

Arianna lives in Forks and while she's aware of my serious issues, she doesn't judge me on them like everyone else seems to do.  
Just last week, she came over with a makeup bag and a giant tub of Ben and Jerry's.  
She then proceeded to kick my hyper little brother out of the house and force me to sit still as she did my makeup and hair. Then we ate all of the ice cream while watching the Hangover.

She is definitely a keeper.

The message machine is beeping, signaling a new message. I quickly press the play button and rub my temple, feeling a migraine coming on.

"Harry, it's Sam" My eyes widen in disbelief. That man has some nerve calling here. "I know you said not to call the house,anymore" _Damn straight!_ "but I saw Leah out in the Forest today. She took off before I could make her go home. I'm worried. She doesn't look too good and she shouldn't have been out in the woods, it's not safe."

His voice floods my ears and the pain that normally comes along with it is replaced with nothing but pure rage.  
Not the seething, slow burning rage that I normally feel, but a fast, explosive rage and before I can stop myself my broken fist slams down onto the machine holding that bastard's voice and it is broken into pieces.

My hand now swollen, bruised and bleeding, is begging me to leave it be and get some ice.  
I walk into the kitchen, opening up the freezer and getting a bag of frozen vegetables that have been in there for God knows how long. Hauling myself onto the counter I lean against the cupboards, unsure of whatever the hell is going on with me today.

All I know is that whatever it is, I don't like it.  
Sure, I've always had a bit of a temper, but I didn't think I was that unstable.

I mean come on, I punched a poor innocent tree that just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and mom is going to flip when she finds the message machine in pieces by the front door.

I am so screwed.

* * *

Sleep is hard enough to come by on my own.

Add my very pissed off mother into the mix and it is a down right impossible task.

After my mother came home and gave me the silent treatment for destroying the machine this afternoon, she presented me with invitation Emily had given her when they were out at lunch.

_They_ sent me a very special, personal invitation to their wedding, as, wait for it, _HER_ Maid Of Freaking Honer.

It's like reality's giant bitch slap saying, "Hey, remember, Emily was going to be your maid of honer, just about a month ago, but your fiance fell for her instead, remember that Leah?."

One couldn't blame me for politely, and I use that term lightly, refusing such an amazing, once in a life time offer.

Obviously, that one, is not my mother. Who thinks Emily is a doll and says that the two of them were simply brought together by fate. They are quote on quote soulmates.

What kind of mother would scream that to her daughter from the bottom of the stairs all night, when it hurt enough that her cousin and ex-fiancé were together in the first place?

I swear she loves Emily more than me. Emily has always been perfect in my mother's eyes. I am nowhere near perfect, with my sarcastic attitude and anorexic, heartbrokenness and my insomniatic depression.

I'm pathetic.

Hell, I wouldn't even love me if i was given the alternative of loving Emily.

Outside my window a pack of wolves howls at the shining, melancholy moon and I wish that I could be out there with them. I wish I could run free with them as my family and not have a worry in the world. Just me, my brother's and the moon to lead our way.

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**Please tell me what you think**


	4. 3 Just a Guy

**Sorry about the long wait**

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**Chapter 3**

**~Just a Guy~**

I hate the city.

It's loud.  
The air is filled with smog that'll kill me if I breathe in too much of it.  
Cars speed past or honk obnoxiously in traffic jams at others close by, as if it's their fault for the construction down the street.  
People walk swiftly, shoving you out of the way as they attempt to make it to their next appointment.  
I hate it because you can't trust anyone in the city.

In the city, no matter who you know, you are alone.

I hate the city mostly, though, because it reminds me of him.

"_What's your name?"_

"_What's it to you?" I turned around, raising my eyebrows._

_His pale white face was cleanly shaved, and his wide pearly white smile must have cost a fortune for the sake to look good. His piercing green eyes bore into mine making me uncomfortable. I broke his gaze and quickly looked him up and down. His black button down shirt and dark wash jeans screamed that he had money and knew how to use it.  
He was bred to draw women in. I would normally have brushed him off but my broken heart was speaking louder than reason. If _they _could get engaged then I am entitled to have a little fun. _

"_I'm Guy."He reaches for my hand and brushes his soft pink lips gently across my knuckles._

"_Leah" I stutter_

_His Cheshire grin widens._

"It's a pleasure Leah. May I buy you a drink?"  
The butterflies in my stomach flutter and my throat tightens in nerves, I can only nod in consent.

"_You said your name is Guy?" I asked finally, finding my voice._

"_That's what they all have called me in the past." He smirked_

"_Hey man" _

_A bartender at across the way straightened at the sound of Guy's voice. Guy nodded with a quick glance to me. I don't think I was supposed to catch it._

"_The usual?" The bartender asked, smiling widely._

"_No, mix up something special for this pretty lady over here."_

_Two drinks later and the room was spinning. My tongue felt thick and I couldn't form a complete sentence. The bartender and Guy were having a conversation across the room and I was hit with the sudden urge to leave, get myself away from the man who calls his self Guy. I quickly went to stand and run, but I stumbled and before I knew what was going on Guy had grabbed hold of me, leading me to the back room where the bartender was waiting. My scream for help came out as a groan of despair and fell on deaf, drunken ears and for those few who were sober it was drown out by the pounding of some song I didn't know. _

_I don't remember what happened after that. _

_I woke up the next morning sore and naked and I can only guess what they'd done. I found my clothes and called a taxi, leaving the city for what I hoped was for good and heading back to the security of La Push, I had never felt so alone until that moment. _

_That's the real reason I gave up parties, gave up drinking, that's when reality finally got through. _

But here I am, back in the place I swore that I'd never return to.

"Leah, come on we are going to be late for our appointment."

My mom hustled me along the sidewalk behind Emily and Laura who was holding her struggling daughter Claire in her arms.  
The only one I could tolerate in this group was my little four year old, doe eyed niece Claire.  
Hell, she was the only reason I was there in the first place. I couldn't bear the thought of leaving her alone with Emily, Laura, and my mother.  
They could corrupt her and force into some god awful fluffy, pink flower girl dress and the poor girl would have no one to save her.

"I'm coming mother" I ground out, my fist shaking a little with annoyance, something I have had to deal with for the past week and a half.

My temper has been growing and I've been getting upset at the smallest of things.  
Sam and his gang of corrupted teenagers have been paying too much attention to Seth much to both of our dismay, although my parents seem sickly happy about the constant attention of my Ex and his fiancé.  
My mother forced me to accept Emily's offer as Maid of Honor saying that "Emily was willing to be your Maid of Honor Leah, don't you feel the need to return the favor?"

Yeah mom, on any other occasion, I would be honored to return the favor, but not when my groom willingly walked away from me whilst holding her hand. There are just some things that are crossing a very visible line that everyone else seems pretty damn happy to ignore.

"I am just so excited about this wedding, it's going to be beautiful Emily, and you and Sam are just made for each other. I am so glad the three of us are going to be in the wedding together. It's going to be just like when we were young, playing house on First Beach. Of course you, Emily, are the only one who's found her prince charming, Leah and I haven't had quite the luck yet."

Laura was running her mouth a mile a minute oblivious to Emily's awkward silence and my quivering form as I attempt to control myself and not break something.

"In time darling, in time you will find someone, maybe even one of Sam's friends they are all quite handsome Laura, you never know. We could be planning your wedding next honey." My mom smiled brightly at my cousin.  
Claire squirmed in Laura's arms.

"Leah, I gonna be in Leah's weddin and be a princess" she huffed in frustration, reaching for me "Hold you Leah, I hold you Leah"

I grabbed her, knowing she wouldn't stop squirming until she got what she wanted and I held her. As pathetic as it sounds I am proud that Claire favors me over Emily, although she loves Emily too. The one thing Emily didn't unconsciously take from me is my niece; I will always be the favorite aunt. It's a good feeling in a very twisted way.

* * *

"A toast to Emily and Sam, our soon to be bride and groom, such an event was very unexpected but we all know that fate works in mysterious ways. Our best wishes to you both." Billy Black said from his spot at the far end of the very large dining table.

The rehearsal was hell with those two acting all lovey-dovey and all the other women in the room teary eyed and absorbed in their sick little love fest. The men were cracking jokes, and teasing, giving congratulations to the engaged couple and drinking.

My mouth is dry and my previously non-existent appetite had, if possible, shrunk even more. My dress was too tight, and my burning forehead felt as if it was dripping with sweat. It was a huge effort to just walk down the isle, whilst being escorted by Paul Tanner, Sam's best man.

Jackson, Sam's now ex-best friend, refused to be the best man to their wedding. Jackson took my side when no one asked him to choose. He didn't have a particular liking for Sam anymore, we had gone through high school together. The three stooges, although Sam and I were a couple. We did everything as a trio, and then Sam met Emily.

My neck was sore, and there is a bump on it that I know shouldn't be there. I don't know how I'm going to make it through this dinner.

With the toasts finished, everyone had broken off into side conversations around the table, and I got up, excusing myself, before walking outside into the cool night air where I could think to myself. I sat on the steps of Emily's front porch and twisted until I heard the satisfying pop of my back, sighing at the released tension. I leaned back against the cool hand rail and looked up at the giant moon.

"Can I sit here?" Her timid voice startled me out of my thoughts.

"It's your house Emily, do what you want" I averted my gaze from the skies and looked to the forest in front of me instead, wondering what I would find out there.

"I'm sorry" She whispered "I wish I could explain, but I can't. I want to give an excuse, but what good do those do anyway. I'm sorry that we hurt you and I wish I could take a lot of things back. Redo the way I handled the situation, but I can't do that either. I love Sam, and I know he loves me, but I see him go away every once and a while, his body will be here with me, but his mind is far, far away and I know that he is with you. He loves you too Leah. He loved you first and that will never change. I know you hate me right now Leah, I don't blame you for a second. Sometimes I hate myself for what happened."

She stood from her spot on the steps.

"Maybe fate has bigger, better plans for you Leah. Maybe someone better will come along. You are so strong and beautiful, someone that no one else will ever compare to. Your Knight in shining armor, or in your case an insanely hot athlete with a different sports car for every day of the week" she giggled to herself, and I managed to hold in my own giggle at the words I spoke when I was ten "will come some day and sweep you off your feet. Maybe one day, when that happens, mabe you could find some way to forgive me. I don't expect it any time soon but I hope that someday it could happen."

The door clicked shut behind her and I stood, ready to go home and get this awful drss off of my burning, sweating body. She makes it so hard to hate her.

* * *

"Well Leah, what seems to be the problem" Dr. Meyers entered the room in a very professional looking manner.

"I don't really know actually" I looked at my tightly clasped hands "I've had a fever two days in a row, and I'm always tired and sweaty. There is a bump on my neck, and I can't figure out where I got it."

"Hmm, may I see?" he reached to move my hair from my neck and felt the bump in question "Your lymph glands are swollen, that's what the bump is Miss Clearwater. I'm going to get the nurse to take your temperature and if you don't mind I'd like to run some tests. It seems like the Flu, but we're always better safe than sorry." I nodded and he walked out.

"Well you are running a bit of a temperature, 100.3 to be exact. Patty, the nurse, recorded your weight on here. It says that you weigh a hundred pounds even." His brow crunched together in concern "Leah, you've lost forty pounds since your last visit two months ago, have you been dieting? If you have you shouldn't be, your weght was perfectly healthy before."

"No, I haven't been dieting, I just haven't had much of an appetite lately." I mumbled glancing up to meet his eyes.

"Well that changes a few things. Very well, we'll run those tests on your blood and get back to you. We should have the results in less than a week, we'll call you as soon as we know something." He said, walking me to the door, with a serious look on his face.

The trees bunched together in a blur as I drove home in silence. He said it could just be the Flu, but even he didn't seem convinced.

I forced myself to slow down a little as rain started to pour onto the road in front of me.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity I pulled onto my street and into the driveway. Pulling the keys out of the ignition, I sighed resting my head on the steering wheel. I jumped at the sound of someone tapping on my window. alooking up I saw it was Jacob Black glaring in at me.

I opened the door.

"What are you doing here, you shouldn't be here Leah. You need to leave." He growled looking around, agitated.

"I need to leave? You have some nerve Jacob Black, I live here. You've no right to tell me to leave" I shouted, my body staring to shake in rage "My life has already gone to hell, I don't need you to mess with it while it's there. So I'd appreciate if you'd back off, so I can go in my house and suffer through this shitty experience people call life alone." I turned throwing my fist at my car, denting it and cracking my newly healed hand in anger.

"Damn it that hurt!"

"Let me look at it Leah" Jacob said quietly, staring at me in confusion.

"Just back off Jacob okay, just leave me alone" I said wlaking towards the house.

"No, you can't go inside Leah. You need to leave, now." He grabbed my arm as Sam's truck pulled into the driveway behind me. Emily hopped out and ran inside. Jacob let her.

"Let me go Jacob" I said glaring at him.

Guilt flashed in his eyes and his grip loosened but he didn't let go of my arm.

"I can't" I tore my arm from him and ran into the house, knowing he was right behind me.

The sight that greeted me was not a pleasant one. Everyone was there; my mom, dad, Billy, Old Quil, Sam, Emily, Jared, Paul and Embry sitting in my living room with a wide eyed Seth staring at them in shock. The phone was ringing in the background, but I paid it no mind. My body was quivering, and the pain in my chest throbbed mercilessly.  
My dad's face was pale and shocked and I wondered why.

"You should leave Leah" Billy Black looked at me with stern eyes.

My family guiltily avoided my gaze. I shook my head, not trusting my voice.

The phone kept ringing loud in the eerily silent room.

"Boy's get her out of here, now." My head snapped up at the sound of Sam's voice and I glared at him.

"You have no right, Sam Uley, to come in here and kick me out of my own home. The only place I can go to anymore without feeling humiliated that you left me for my cousin. That you cheated on me with my cousin, Sam, two weeks before our wedding and now your marrying _her_" I glared at Emily and Sam growled standing up.

Everyone was dead silent

"You expect me to leave my home, because you all want to sit around and have a nice little chat. A chat that you can't have with me around because it's too awkward for everybody. Why the hell do I have to be punished for all the shit that you two did to me?"

The phone stopped ringing and the, new, machine picked up.

"Leah, it's Dr. Meyer's we got your results back early. I feel bad that I have to say this in a message but it's important and I don't want you to wait. Leah you have HIV, I'm sorry."

Guy's blurry face flashed through my mind. The room was silent, I could feel everyone staring at me and then there was a thud. I turned to see my dad laying on the floor clutching his chest. My mom and Emily screamed. Pain flooded my father's eyes as he looked at me tears on his cheeks. I'd never seen my dad cry until that moment.

My body was shaking uncontrollably and I felt as if I was on fire. Sam was holding Emily and shouting orders for someone to call 911. PAul and Jared had escorted a shaking Seth into the back yard, pushing him into the trees.

"Daddy" I whispered and he was gone, his eyes never leaving mine.

That's when I snapped. My skin burned and my body was spasming, out of control. I heard my mom crying and Emily asking what was going on, but all I felt was pain. All I saw was my dad's unseeing eyes.

My skin felt as if it was being torn fronm my burning body and felt as if they'd been rearranged.

_Leah?_

A voice in my head said. I looked around to see I was surrounded by gigantic wolves.

_What the hell?_

I tried to scream but it came out like a dog's whine. I looked down and saw paws where my arms, or feet, used to be.

_Calm down Leah it's us._

_Don't tell me what to do. I'll do whatever the fuck I please you asshole. My Dad is dead and your telling me to calm down! _I howled in pain

_Who is us...exactly?_

_Sam, Paul, Jared, Jacob, Embry and, as of an hour ago, Seth._

_What happened?_

_You know the legends Leah. You're a shapeshifter, you just phased into a wolf. You're the first female wolf that we know of. _Sam thought

_A scrawny one too _Paul laughed with Jared

_Shut up you two! _Sam ordered them and they did as he told.

_We can read eachothers thoughts in case you haven't figured that out already._

Through their eyes I could see myself. White with a tiny patch of grey on my back. My ribs were protruding from my body and my legs looked as the could barely hold me up. I looked like one of those sickly wolves that is the first to be killed by the pack leader, guy or whatever.

_Pack leader, guy or whatever? Are you kidding me Leah. It's called an Alpha, he's the leader of the pack, Sam is our Alpha. You do what he says, when he says it no if's, and's, or but's. _Jared chuckled.

_Like hell I'm going to listen to him! Just tell me how I can change back so I can find my dad._

_Um, Leah, when you change back. You don't have any clothes on I hope you realize that. _Embry added timidly as Jared and Paul started to giggle like little school girls.

_We'll help you phase back if you want Leah, then we can show you a better time than the boss here ever did _

Sam growled at them in warning and Embry and Jacob were desperately trying not to laugh along with the older boys.

Without a second thought I lunged at the two eighteen year old boys, tackling one of them, Paul I think, to the ground. The other sitting by stunned as Sam sat back unsure whether or not to be amused or concerned and step in. I was biting anything I could get my teeth on and Paul was growling, trying to make me submit with his larger more dominent form. I grasped a piece of his scruff in my mouth and pulled, feeling it tear whilst in my jaws. Paul yelped and tossed me across the yard, tackling me and biting me into submission.

_Enough! _Sam bellowed

Paul flopped next to me instantly, releasing me from his jaws and rolling onto his side, avoiding Sam's eyes nervously

_Boys you will keep your comments to yourself and Leah you are not allowed to attack your brothers_

_They aren't my brothers _I growled, standing to look up and glare into his eyes _and I don't give a damn what you have to say to me either. You lost any respect I had for you the day I walked in on you two in my bed. _

_Do you think she gave you HIV Sam? _

Paul asked Sam with concern even though we all know it was a jab at me.

Guy's face flashed through my mind before I could stop it.

_Leah, who's that?_

_Just a guy _I said realizing that was what Guy was talking about that night months ago.

"That's what they all have called me in the past." he said. I was just another piece to his twisted game.

_Leah, who is that? _Sam asked me again

_Just a guy Sam. He is just a guy._

And with that I turned and ran. I ran until they were all out of my head, not quite ready to change back anytime soon. Not that I would knew how in the first place.

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I hope it's okay. I didn't know what to do with this chapter.

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	5. 4 Fight or Flight

**Long time no update! I know I suck..I'm sorry but what do you do?  
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**Chapter 4**

**~Fight or Flight~**

Maybe running away from La Push wasn't the best idea. Seeing as I've never been the best when it comes to direction, I'm kind of lost.  
Well, not kind of lost.  
I am definitely, one hundred and ninety nine percent lost and then some.

My surroundings all blended together under the midnight purple sky, shadows of black and grey bent into nightmarish ghouls as twigs and leaves clung to my long, shaggy fur coat.  
A scurry of feet from above was the last straw, sending me running clumsily behind a bush as if to hide my oversized form.  
I heard a chuckle from my left and my tail, I hate to say, immediately went in between my legs as I cowered from the man that seemingly came from nowhere.

"Need help phasing back beautiful?" He raised an eyebrow as he cautiously stepped toward me, hands up, looking me dead in the eye.

He set my nerves on edge. How did he know I was human?

"I'm not going to hurt you sweet heart. I want to help you. I know what it's like to feel alone and hurt, like fate has it in for you."

He was getting a little too close for comfort making me bristle and show my teeth, snarling at the suspicious figure in warning. He growled back under his breath and I took a step back weighing my options.

_Fight or flight, fight or flight dammit Leah choose one and get your scrawny ass in gear_

As I was trying to find the light in my dark situation, he snuck up and began to stroke my fur in a calming manner making me sigh and forget he was the enemy for a second.

"See, all better. Now think about being human, all that you like to do and people you like to be with. Think happy thoughts." He whispered to me as my eyes unconsciously started to close.

Like the dumbass that I am, I listened and before I knew what happened I was human…and naked.

With a dark chuckle, mystery man looked down at me with a look I'd seen once before and I suddenly wished I hadn't run from those idiots back home. He advanced toward me and I tried with everything I had to phase back into my dreaded form but could not figure out how to do so.

"Are you aware that you are very rare in our world?" He looked at me with a smirk. "You females are always so useless, complaining about the stupidest things." He rolled his eyes in true annoyance.

I started slowly crawling away from him as he went on in his rant. Sticks cut at my body, only for the wounds to heal and be reopened once more. Dirt covered every inch of my anorexic frame as I became frantic to get away from the man following my every move with a smile.

"Are you aware that you will never have an imprint like us men? You can never get pregnant; you're basically a menopausal twenty year old. Did your pack tell you all of this? No? Maybe that's because they didn't know that freaks of nature like you could even exist." He glared down at me, and then he smiled.

"You don't have to be an outcast in your pack, you see I am the alpha of my pack and sadly I've lost my imprint. You see she, like you, could not bear my children as she was also a wolf and had a fatal accident not a few months ago."

He didn't even look upset.

"I can make you a very powerful she wolf." He looked at me with that dark expression that looked so familiar.

"I'm going to go" I whispered to myself more than him and he growled and lunged for me.

I braced myself for the attack but it never came, I opened my eyes to see him frozen in place, staring behind me in terror.  
My heart sped up wondering what exactly could scare this seemingly fearless alpha. Expecting to see some devastatingly horrific monster, I turned slowly and was shocked to see the large, familiar grey form of one Embry Call.  
Calm washed through my body as he quickly glanced to me only to let out a roar of rage and leap out of the shadows and land directly in front of this once scary man. Embry stared him down as he towered over him, sending the alpha on his way home in shame. He growled once and turned to me, eyes softened at the sight of me making my heart hurt at the obvious sign of pity.

He looked at me for a minute before turning and trotting back out of sight, leaving me.

"Embry?" my voice rang desperate in my ears.

"Sorry, I didn't think you'd want me phasing back in front of you"

He came back out of the bushes in cut off shorts smiling at me, though his eyes held concern. I couldn't help but notice his muscles differed from those of the rest of the packs'. He was lean, but strong, with a drool worthy six pack, might I add, where as the rest of the guys had the bulky muscle that makes you want to rip your clothes off.

_Stop thinking like this Leah! You can't be attracted to the kid! What the hell?_

"Are you okay?" He asked kneeling down in front of me, looking for injuries on my body. I flinched back from his hands as they started to feel for any broken bones.

"Chill Embry geez I'm not some fragile little doll" I growled stubbornly though he looked anything but convinced.

"Here" Handing me a black t shirt that looked about ten sizes too big for my body, he turned around.

I slowly put it on and sighed as the musky smell of forest and ocean mixed with something so pure and unidentifiable met my nose. This scent was pure Embry and for a small second I melted, quickly catching myself I told him he could turn back around.  
When he turned back to face me a flash of metal caught my eyes and I looked down to see a pair of scissors in his hand. I looked at him incredulously and shook my head in denial. There was no way in hell.

"Alpha's orders Leah, I'm sorry. I promise it will help, it will be a lot more comfortable to phase" He obviously wanted no part in the murdering of my hair and I decided to go easy on him and let him do it. Much to my dismay, he did a good job meaning I couldn't cuss anyone out later for this unjust act.

"Need help phasing back?" He looked to me knowingly and I simply blushed and nodded.

He chuckled

"Get angry" He growled.

I tried but couldn't, he was too sweet, something about him calmed me but it definitely did not anger me.

"Come on Leah get mad!" He shouted in my face.

Nothing happened.

"I can't believe I am about to do this" Embry shook his head in shame "Please don't hate me for what I'm about to say Leah" his voice cracked "I'm so sorry, I don't mean any of this. I want you to know that." He looked me in the eyes, face hard, cold.

"You are so fucking pathetic Leah." He shouted at me, glaring in disgust. My heart hurt for a second.  
"You have no one, do you realize that? Your dad is dead. Sam and Emily are getting married and your mom is taking their side. Your fifteen year old brother has his own problems, he can't be held back by all of your shit." Embry taunted me, voice hard and mean." You damaged Leah; you have a severe case of HIV. You're anorexic and hung up on the past. Who the hell would want someone with all of your problems?"

His voice was no louder than a whisper but his words were as harsh as a knife as he stabbed repeatedly opening up old wounds and recent fears.

_He lied. Of course he means what he's saying because it's all true. He's just like the rest of them._

I snapped he quickly followed my lead.  
We just stood and stared at each other. Wolf to wolf, his apologies muffled in my head, but I didn't give a damn what he had to say because he'd made his feelings crystal clear.

If Paul could be a dick, and Sam could break my heart, and Embry could lie to my face than why the hell should I be nice to them?  
Why did I have to give a damn what anyone says or thinks.  
Obviously I had to change something about myself if I wanted to stop getting hurt, and sadly I knew the only thing to do would be to stop caring about anyone or anything and that's exactly what I did.

"_Leah" Embry said. "I really am so-"_

"_Have you met your daddy yet Embry? I wonder who he is; Billy Black, Joshua Uley, Christopher Tanner? Don't you just wonder?"_

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**Pleeease review...it's a bit discouraging when I update and one person, out of all of the people that read my stories, reviews.  
****Have you nothing to say of my work? :(**

So here's the deal, unless people start reviewing more than updates will continue to be few and far.  
**I Lov**e all of my readers and its an amazing feeling to see that people read my stories but as you can see there are few reviews. I have a very busy schedule which leads to my stories taking the back burner a lot of the time, but i might be more motivated to update more often if more people leave reviews.

**So just tell me what you think. Doesn't have to be good or bad, heck it can even be one word. Just give me something to work with so I know you have some opinion on what I write.**

**Love you all,**

Lexi


	6. 5 Raise Hell

**Chapter 5**

**~Raise Hell~**

I knew I struck a nerve with Embry, and I hated myself for hurting him but when he lied to my face this life became nothing but survival of the fittest. People didn't give a damn about me so I decided that in order to save myself I had no choice but to be the bitchiest person they'd ever met.  
No one would have poor Lee Lee to kick around anymore; the new Leah Clearwater would be merciless, bulletproof.

A week of losing my temper and phasing, shredded clothes, snarky remarks and putting up with the pointless bullshit of a pack of teenage boys and I was exhausted.  
My mom sank into a nasty depression that I couldn't bring myself to help her with.  
She turned her back on me when I needed her the most and even though I was sick with guilt, I had to remind myself that the new Leah cares for no one but herself. Mom would eventually heal and continue with her disappointment in me.

Carlisle Cullen, the leech doctor, ran some tests on me per Billy's request and came up empty handed on what could have caused my strange genetic mutation, I scoffed at that.  
It's such a sexist thing for a pack of men who turned into giant, mutated wolves that can read each other's thoughts, to look at the one girl who shape shifts as well and think she is the only one with a serious problem.  
According to Dr. Fang though, due to my increased immune system, my body has rid itself of HIV; the only good thing that's come out of my shitty life is that now thanks to my increased healing powers I'll never die. My life is so fucking screwed up.

The girl reflected in my bathroom mirror was too much like brokenhearted Leah, and that wouldn't do. I let out a frustrated breath glancing around my room when my eyes landed on the wine red dress that Emily specifically picked for me and a thought struck me. I took the beautiful red maid of honor dress that represented the start of all of the crap in my life and grabbed the scissors from my desk and got to work.  
After ten minutes of slashing jagged holes and slits into the fabric and ripping it with my hands I laid the tortured dress neatly on my bed and put on my black dress that would be tainted by the day my dad was put into the ground; the day life went on, the day the new Leah Clearwater was born.  
I examined my work with a smile and went into the bathroom to do my hair and makeup. Embry was an awesome hair stylist surprisingly; I reminded myself to ask him if he was gay later.

I smirked into the mirror. He was definitely gay. (A/N: I am in no way shape or form homophobic, nor is Leah in my story. This is all just Leah being a bitch.)

A little part of me felt horrible for the hell I was planning to put Embry through, but it was too late to turn back now.

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The feel of people's silent scrutiny sent chills of annoyance down my spine.  
Look at that poor broken family, I could practically hear them thinking as my father's casket made its descent into the ground.

People muttered apologies and stared like we were on display. Strangers pulled my mother into hugs and told Seth that our father was a good man. When they got to me, they cried.

People piled into their cars. The pack focused on consoling Seth as he tried to stay strong for our mom who was crying into Charlie Swan's shoulder.

Paul glared at me from where he stood dutifully next to Sam. The whole "Embry are you gay?" thing didn't exactly end nicely, and I had a bruise on my arm from where Paul grabbed me, to prove it.

I sighed as I looked at the solemn headstone that held my father's name. Dad was gone. People had already left; moved on with their lives. The pack was sure to take care of Seth and mom would heal in time while I stayed frozen, young and forgotten by those who simply stopped caring.

With a final glance at my father's eternal resting place and my "family", I took off my torturous shoes and tied my recently curled hair up in a high pony tail. Stripping myself of my dress, I was left in a pair of boy shorts and a sheer camisole. My mother weakly attempted to scold me and everyone else looked on in confusion. I glanced at the pack and then to Charlie and rained my eyebrows as if to challenge them. Sam said my name in obvious warning, I smirked and before they could blink I darted into the cover of the trees and phased when I was out of sight.

My paws pounded into the damp earth as my breath came out in relaxed pants my mind replayed the events of the day over and over making me sick to my stomach. I felt someone phase, Sam.

"_Leah what are you thinking right now?" He asked_

"_What do you mean?" I growled "you can hear my thoughts remember" _

"_Lee your mind is completely blank" he said to me softly._

"_Don't call me that" I turned to face his much larger frame with a snarl "and don't tell me my mind is blank! I just watched my father get put into the ground you cheating asshole!" I snapped at him and he let me. _

_I turned around and darted ahead weaving through the thick foliage with practiced ease. I blocked him out, focusing on myself only. Sam couldn't hear my thoughts unless I wanted him to. I barked with joy at my newfound discovery, maybe my dad was looking out for me after all. I kept running as rain started to pour onto my tiny body eventually causing me to tire as my fur weighed me down._

_

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_

My house was silent as I walked through the door. Seth and the rest of the pack were sitting around the living room in complete silence, just staring at each other. I couldn't help but notice that Jake was missing most likely with that Bella girl. I looked at everyone carefully but stopped when I got to my baby brother.

"You're breaking up with Arianna as soon as you learn how to control your phasing" I spoke in a monotone as I watched his eyes flood with pure rage.

"Who the fuck are you to tell me to break up with my girlfriend, I thought you liked her!" He growled standing up to stare me down.

"I do like her" I said calmly looking him dead in the eye "That's why I won't let you do to her what he did to me" I motioned towards Sam, my voice heartless even to my own ears.

Seth paused remembering my previous state and really looking at me for the first time since before dad died and started shaking. Sam quickly got up to grab him as Paul followed suit.

"Nice going Bitch" he spat at me as he made his exit.

I nodded at the rest of the boys who shook their heads in disappointment, Embry avoided my gaze and my heart stung at his look of hurt, not just for himself. He was too good of a person and was terrible.I turned on my heel and stepped towards the stairs that led to my room.

"Leah" Jared said as he got up to leave "Emily found the dress, Sam is pissed. I suggest you avoid phasing for a while" He warned me with a smirk.

"Go fuck yourself Jared" I growled "We all know your little Kimmy aint putting out" I laughed sadistically as he shook with rage and bolted out the door and into the trees to avoid attacking me like I deserved.

This new Leah would raise hell.

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**So.. thanks for the reviews on my last chapter :) (I'm so glad I'm not one of those pathetice people that beg for reviews...Okay so I am but oh well! Haha don't judge ;P)**

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